


My Worthless Pride

by Shy_Creature



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, a bit of angst, takes place at the end of the Seijou-Karasuno match
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 19:14:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4576473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shy_Creature/pseuds/Shy_Creature
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone was crying their eyes out, but there was one person who could not weep in front of the team, no matter how much he hurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Worthless Pride

**Author's Note:**

> So I was talking to a friend of mine when brilliant ideas came about.

_‘WHAT KIND OF ACE AM I?’_

This question echoed inside Iwaizumi’s mind, ricocheting off the insides of his skull and cutting him deeper each time.

Karasuno had won.

Seijou had lost.

And there Iwaizumi was, on the sidelines still, head hung low, tears and sweat streaming down his face, and biting his lip so hard he thought it might bleed.

There he was, nit-picking everything he had done in the game, blaming himself for their defeat.

 _‘If only I had been stronger.’_ He thought, _‘If only I had been better.’_

He had let his team down.

Iwaizumi had _failed them._

Iwaizumi had _failed Oikawa_.

God, Oikawa.

How could he face him now?

He wanted to take Oikawa to Nationals.

He wanted them to go together one more time.

And he _failed_.

So there Iwaizumi was, tearing himself to pieces.

Then there _he_ was.

There was Oikawa, who had come up beside Iwaizumi without him even realizing it.

Oikawa, with a strong hand placed on his back that said “It’s not your fault” and an expression facing forward that said “Come on”.

Then he was gone. Gone ahead of Iwaizumi to thank the crowd. Iwaizumi stared after him, shocked.  
 _‘Oikawa…?’_

Hanamaki was there next. Then Matsukawa.

“It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Iwaizumi stared after them too.

He slowly straightened himself up and went to join them in thanking the crowd, getting in a line according to their jersey numbers.

“THANK YOU VERY MUCH” They said simultaneously, bowing deeply. Almost like an apology.

The crowd clapped for them anyway.

Iwaizumi stole a glance at Oikawa.

He was staring blankly ahead, looking at nothing.

 _‘Oikawa… I’m sorry.’_ Iwaizumi thought.

Then Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows and took a deep breath. He glanced over at Iwaizumi with the same look from earlier before he walked off to start loading up the bus.

“Come on.” It said. His big brown eyes were hard and sharp.

And Iwaizumi did. He followed the Grand King off the court.

For the last time.

 

\------

 

The bus ride home was even worse.

Oikawa had an aisle seat by Iwaizumi, who was currently hunched over with his arms resting on his thighs, and his head hung low. Oikawa couldn’t see his face.

His underclassmen were practically bawling, sobbing out apologies to him.

“I-I’m so sorry, Oikawa-senpai. I couldn’t b-bring you to nationals one more time.”

“I wasn’t strong enough… I’m s-so sorry..”

“Please f-forgive me… I have failed you..”

Oikawa stared at his underclassmen with wide eyes.

“No.” He said firmly but gently, “It’s not your fault. I promise.” He flashed them a big smile.

_‘If anything, it’s mine.’_

“You have nothing to apologize for. You all did your best, I know that. I saw that.”

They all stared back at him before more tears welled up in their eyes and they started crying again. Oikawa let them. It’s good to let those kinds of feelings out.

He sat back in his seat and looked out the window over Iwaizumi’s back, the scenery holding his attention for only a short time before his eyes wandered down and settled on Iwaizumi’s hunched over form.

 _‘I’m so sorry.’_ He thought as he stared at his best friend, _‘Out of all the people I failed today, I think I failed you the most, Iwa-chan.’_ Oikawa closed his eyes, _‘Maybe things would’ve been different...if there had been a different captain._ ’

He smiled bitterly to himself and gripped the armrest. It felt like the weight of the world settled upon him now, crushing him to the point where it became hard to breathe.

Oikawa wouldn’t let his teammates see their captain cry. He wouldn’t allow it. He knew what that did to underclassmen, seeing their proud captain cry. It would completely break their hearts.

He gripped the armrest tighter, looking straight ahead at the back of the seat in front of him.

_‘Keep it together. They can’t see you cry. Not now, not ever.’_

Oikawa’s grip on the armrest had gotten so tight that he was shaking.

He kept thinking of how it was just _over_ now, how it was just _gone_.

He felt himself slipping, starting to lose his composure, when someone put their hand on his.

His head snapped to the left where he met the piercing gaze of Iwaizumi, whose eyes were still puffy and red.

And Oikawa didn’t say anything, he just stared. What could he say?

Iwaizumi gently pried his hand off the poor armrest and held it with both hands, like it was some precious, fragile object that might break if it was handled too roughly.

It made his heart beat fast.

Oikawa shifted in his seat to face him, looking at him with confused eyes.

“Iwa-chan…” he said softly, carefully.

Iwaizumi spread Oikawa’s hand open and gently stroked the rough, sore palm with his thumbs. His gaze focused now on Oikawa’s hand, eyebrows furrowed but not in an irritated way, Oikawa noticed. It was softer than that.

What was that expression, he wondered.

Concern?

Regret?

Maybe some mix of the two.

Iwaizumi was tracing small patterns on his palm and it made Oikawa blush.

Yes, Oikawa had a crush on Iwaizumi. A big crush.

But he didn’t want to risk their friendship so he never acted on it.

If Iwaizumi left him, he would definitely fall apart. Oikawa knew that much.

He broke into a painful grin that he hoped looked real enough.

“What’re you doing, Iwa-chan?” He said in a cheerful but strained voice.

_‘Please don’t see through me. Please. I won’t be able to take it.’_

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened a bit before furrowing his eyebrows deeper.

He lifted his gaze back up to Oikawa’s face.

His eyes held no teasing, no playfulness that was usually found there.

Iwaizumi held Oikawa’s hand with only one of his now as the other had reached out to flick him in the nose.

“I’m going home with you today, Trashykawa.”  
  
\------

 

“I’m home!” Oikawa called out as he and Iwaizumi walked through the door of Oikawa’s house.

Only silence answered him.

“Guess mom’s working late tonight.” Oikawa said, taking off his shoes. Iwaizumi nodded, doing the same.

The pair walked up the stairs to Oikawa’s room in silence.

Upon reaching their destination, Oikawa grabbed some clothes from his drawers.

“I’m gonna take a shower first okay?” Iwaizumi nodded.

“Yeah that’s fine.”

So few words had been exchanged between today.

It bothered Iwaizumi. He didn’t like it.

He took a seat on the edge of Oikawa’s bed to ponder his thoughts.

First, Oikawa was in pieces right now.

He tried his best to hide it because he knew Iwaizumi worried about him, but Iwaizumi saw anyway.

_‘He’s keeping it all inside. He’s trying to do this by himself. That idiot.’_

Iwaizumi sat there until Oikawa came back, freshly dressed and towel drying his hair.

“It’s all yours, Iwa-chan! Here, you can borrow some of my clothes!” He said, opening his drawers while wearing that ugly, painful smile he showed on the bus.

“Thank you.” Iwaizumi said as he took the clothes from Oikawa’s pale hands.

Gray sweat pants and a navy blue tee-shirt.

Iwaizumi looked up at him one more time then started towards the hall.  
“I’ll be right back.” He called behind him.

 _‘And I’ll do something about this when I get out of the shower._ ’

The shower felt warm, like heaven on Earth. It was much appreciated.

Iwaizumi used this time to think as well.

He thought about Oikawa.

Iwaizumi liked Oikawa.

A lot.

It’d been like this since middle school.

Iwaizumi doubted that the ladies man Pretty-Boikawa was interested in him like that, but he didn’t care.

Though it made his chest hurt, he just wanted Oikawa, that idiot, to be happy.

Even if it was with someone else.

But right now, Oikawa needed his best friend, not a lover.

Iwaizumi stepped out of the shower, dried himself off, and got dressed.

The clothes were a bit big on him, seeing as he was shorter than Oikawa, but he paid it no mind as he stepped back into the hall.

He was almost to the bedroom when he heard it.

Ragged breathing, hiccups, and muffled sobs coming from inside the bedroom made panic rise in Iwaizumi’s chest and bid his legs to run down the hall to the room.

Iwaizumi slid the door open and froze at the sight he saw.

Oikawa was on the floor, leaned up against his bed, knees pulled up to his chest, one hand over his mouth and the other gripping his hair, and his eyes wide and red as tears flowed freely down his face.

Iwaizumi reacted immediately.

He rushed in, quickly sliding the door shut and crouching down in front of his best friend.

“Oikawa…” He said quietly, reaching out to him.

Oikawa was trembling, he noticed, as he stared straight at Iwaizumi with new tears forming in his eyes.

“I-Iwa…”

Suddenly, he lurched forward and threw his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck, burying his face in his chest as violent sobs racked his body.

Iwaizumi was shocked at first, but quickly adjusted, gathering Oikawa’s shaky figure in his arms and leaning back against the bed like Oikawa had just been.

He held him firmly but gently as he cried.

 _‘He’s been holding it in the whole time. Dumbass’_ Iwaizumi thought, shaking his head a little.

He looked down at the quaking boy in his arms.

Oikawa was holding on to him like a lifeline.

_‘This is my fault.’_

Iwaizumi stopped thinking then, and began placing light kisses on top of Oikawa’s head.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured against Oikawa’s damp hair in the gentlest voice he had, “I’m so sorry... Oikawa...”

 _‘Damn it. Now I’M gonna start crying.’_ Iwaizumi thought irritably as he tried to blink away the hot tears forming in his eyes

_‘God damn it, you bastard. Why you? Of all the people, why did it have to be you?’_

He rubbed small circles into Oikawa’s back, trying his best to comfort him.

Oikawa did begin to relax in Iwaizumi’s arms.

He felt something on top of his head.

 _‘Iwa-chan?_ ’

He tilted his tear-stained face up look at him.

Oikawa froze when he saw tears rolling down Iwaizumi’s cheeks.

“Iwa-chan…” He reached up gently to wipe the tears of his cheeks. He was staring again, he knew, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Iwaizumi was beautiful, even when he cried. He buried his face in the crook of his neck, hoping it might hide his growing blush.

He swore his heart was beating out of his fucking chest. Oikawa had to be hearing it. Trying to relax himself, Iwaizumi leaned back against the bed frame and closed his eyes.

Oikawa looked up once more to see his friend's eyes were closed and a peaceful expression relaxed his features.

He was beautiful like this too.

Oikawa sat up a little, put his hands gently on his cheeks, leaned in, and placed a gentle kiss on Iwaizumi's forehead.

Iwaizumi’s eyes opened wide as he looked at Oikawa, who pulled away quickly, fully ready to apologize and never do it again.

But instead of yelling, he got a dreamy gaze and a hand that slowly came up to cup his face, gently stroking away a stray tear with his thumb.

Oikawa leaned into his hand as his own came up and held it there against his cheek. Iwaizumi leaned forward to kiss him lightly.

Now he had never kissed anybody before, but he was 98% sure that this was fucking magical or some shit.

Iwaizumi pulled away as Oikawa put his head back on his chest.

“Iwa-chan…” Oikawa whispered.

“Hm?”

“It’s not your fault... It was mine.. Please don’t blame yourself for something I did… I’m sorry... I couldn’t get us to Nationals…”

Iwaizumi rested his chin on top of Oikawa’s head.

“Don't blame yourself either, dumbass. You did you damndest out there just like everyone else..." He paused to look down at Oikawa "...How long?”

Oikawa let out a weak chuckle.

“Since the day I met you, Iwa-chan.” He said, a bittersweet tone to his voice, “You?”

Iwaizumi paused for a second before answering.

“Middle school.”

Oikawa laughed a bit louder this time.

“Oh Iwa-chan,” He said, “ Late like always I see.”

Iwaizumi flicked Oikawa’s nose.

"Ah, Hajime! So violent!" He whined.

Iwaizumi tensed at being called by his first name, especially by Oikawa. Blush bloomed across his face as he thought of sweet revenge.

"Maybe you shouldn't be such a pompous king then, _Tooru_." Iwaizumi smirked as Oikawa squeaked a little before burying his head back in Iwaizumi's neck.

They stayed like that for a while.

“Hey, Oikawa.”

“Mm?”

“Don’t worry about Nationals, okay? I have faith that that damn murder of crows can take Shiratorizawa.”

“You might be right.” He chuckled, “Maybe we’ll go watch? Or maybe I can stay with you? What do you say, Iwa-chan? Think you can handle all of me and my **_worthless_** pride?”

“I’ll follow you to the fucking ends of the Earth and you know it so just shut up and go to sleep on me or something.”


End file.
